TSA Security Line

I know what your thinking, with a title like TSA Security Line I must be about to write a scandalise post ranting about some TSA jerk who violated my privacy, felt up my junk and then made me blush like a school girl.  Maybe later, but today I wanted to highlight a quick interaction I had with a fellow passenger while waiting in line to go through the metal detector.  Enjoy....

So here I am next in line to take my solo walk through the dreaded arches known as the "Metal Detector".  I am patiently waiting as the TSA agent on the freedom side of the arches has placed his hand up indicating I am to wait for further instructions.  So as I am waiting I can't help but notice a man who has come up to my side and slid directly in front of me.  Please understand, I am not standing a football field away from the the golden arches I am directly in front of them and he has now wedged himself in a space I did not know could fit a full size man.  Then he looks at me and says:

Guy: "What's the hold up"

Me: "Are you just going to jump right in front of me?"

Guy: "What do you think is taking so long?"

Me:  "I don't know, but I have been waiting here prior to your arrival.  Did you notice you simply jumped in front?"

Guy:  "Oh hey, here we go." "They are waiving me through."

Me:  Astonished at how oblivious, clueless and completely unaware this guy was.

So there you have it.  I have no other choice here but to enact a rule based on this event.

Rule #16: It's not all about you - Stop acting like Tom Hanks in Cast Away.  You are not alone on a desert Island by yourself, you are traveling with hundreds of other people and need to act accordingly.  Keep your head up and acknowledge those around you and if you simply cannot seem to follow the rules, refer to Rule#4.

Travel Safe and I will see you at the airport.

Rule #8 Seat Recline

Rule #8.  I road the entire flight with this guys hair inches from my mouth.  Every time I took a breath I could feel my lungs being coated with every substance taking shelter on this guys head.

Travel rules to live by...

Attention all travelers:

I may not be Leroy Jethro Gibbs, but I do have a set of travel rules I try to live by.

If someone is irritating you while traveling there is a good chance you will be able to trace it back to one or more of the following:

Rule #1: Don’t travel sick - If your sick, have open sores, have runny eyes or nose and or a horrible cough don't travel.  No one wants to sit next to someone who is wiping their nose on everything while coughing up a lung.  

Rule #2:  No Farting - Hold off on the beer, peanuts and McDonalds until you get where you are going.  No one wants to smell your ass in an airport or on a plane.

Rule #3:  Don’t overload -If you can't check it, carry it, roll it, manage it or stow it, don't bring it.  

Rule #4:  Follow the rules - This is not rocket science people.  If you are rich, poor, famous, infamous, average or just trying to get somewhere; the rules do apply to you.  

Rule #5:  Be on time - Don’t throw everyone into a panic because you can’t manage your time.

Rule #6:  Backpacks/Large purses - Take your backpacks off your shoulder before heading down the airplane isle or you will smack everyone sitting in the aisle on your way to your seat.  If you have to much stuff and can’t take your backpack off your shoulder refer to Rule #3.

Rule #7:  Aisle Etiquette - If you are standing in the aisle and drop something do not bend over to pick it up, use your legs and bend at the knees.  If you bend over there is a 90% chance your ass will be in the persons face across the aisle and no one wants unknown ass in their face on a plane.

Rule #8:  Seat Recline -The rule here is recline your chair the amount you are comfortable with the person in front of you reclining theirs.  If your ok with the hair of the guy in front of you being inches from your teeth then by all means jack your chair back.

Rule #9:  Seat Leverage - Don’t use the persons seat in front of you to help you get up.  Guess what?  There is someone sitting in that chair and they are being constantly jostled about every time you get in or out of your seat.  Figure out how to get out of your seat without using the person in front of you as a hoist.  If you are to sick to get out of your seat on your own power, refer to rule #1.

Rule #10:  Pee before you board - There is absolutely no reason you should have to pee 10 minutes into a flight.  If you have a bladder problem refer to rule #1.

Rule #11:  Don’t be a hater - Don’t hate the people in first class.  If the airline offered you a seat in first class you would take it in a heart beat so don’t be pissed off just because you are stuck in steerage.

Rule #12:  Don’t press the flight attendant call button  - Don’t ever press this button unless you are dying.  The flight attendants are primarily there for your safety, not to be your concierge.   

Rule #13:  Babies - Ensure you have a bottle for your baby at take off and landing.  If they are drinking during take off and landing their ears will naturally pop.  Your baby is not crying because they are scared, wet or have a huge poop.  They are in agony and need their ears to pop.  BTW, when your baby is in agony we are all in agony so take the time to find out how air travel affects an infant.

Rule #14:  The Seatbelt Sign - When the seatbelt sign is illuminated this is not a signal to immediately get to your feet and stretch, go the lavatory or visit a friend.  If you are having trouble with this concept refer to rule #4.

Rule #15:  Armrests - Listen pal, I know the center aisle sucks, but you only get one armrest.  Buckle your shoulders and pull em in.  No one wants to feel like you arm may eventually fall into their crotch.